i know that things havent been going well for me these days. every night i seems to sink in depression. to make it worse, i never wanna speak a word about it. the night before yesterdae, yang called in the middle of the night, to force some words out of me. i know i am crazy. and i'm driving him mad too. i wish all these troubles of my heart can just disappear into the thin air.. i wish it too.

friday WAs a good day. the end of the school days and drawing near to the weekend. which mean more sleep more rest more play. i was in a wreck in sch. the only person i could confide in is wq. real thankful. i might have break down soon. maybe bound in the same situation as hers- i know she advice me to speak up to yang if not i'll worry him more. is not that i dun trust him, but i find it so hard for myself to open up. painful experience. from e start of chinese period, i told the teacher how unhappy and sad i am, i told him i want to go home. i know the people around me are showing concern and i truly appreciate it. but such concerns doesnt melt away the stone in my heavy heart. Ed keep trying to ask me whats wrong, half way thru i just bolted out of the classroom and stayed in the toilet to avoid anyone seeing me tearing. okay Jiali was in there and really cute for her to joke to me since i was always the one cracking up the joke. she say she'll help me beat up the person who bully me...so sweet yah.. :)

i can only say what i wanna say in anger and frustration to him. he seems to change from impatient to worried. yang reached my sch at 12.30 waited for an hr till i dismissed.guess he was afraid i might run away. ashamed and guilty. i really do not wish to see him. if i ask him to go away. i think i might be hurting myself more too.
i should not have kept him in the dark about anything tat hurts me. but i cant stop myself from being sensitive about anything , everything. i just want to protect myself.

from the fact that i hurt him, disappoint him. i already felt how lousy a girl fren i am. that all i can do is to hurt him n hurt him n nothing more. to get him affected by my emotions. to get his attention. to shun away from his attention. to get him looking for me. to run away from him. to need him yet to avoid him.

i know how his affection moved me. how my tears can soak into his passion. how his eyes never fail to look upon me. how he always wanna be there for me...how my hurts will never stop him from loving me.. how his love so strong for me..

i am blessed with love.